Saturday, June 10, 2006

Power in Forgiveness

I just saw my ex-boyfriend with this girl that he broke up with me for. This is the 2nd time I saw him after our break-up. I used to hate him for cheating on me and not being man enough to own up to it. I felt so hurt over this broken relationship, the commitment, the fake promises and many more...

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We broke up a long ago, but i still carry the hurt around with me for many years. It was something I couldnt let go of, and it affected my ability to start new relationships, my ability to trust guys, and to love them.

We bumped into each other again on Xmas Day 2004. He was with this girl and looking so contented. When he saw me, he gave a cold smile. It felt like a pierce through my heart even though it was so long since we have broken up. In the middle of Orchard Road, I felt like crying. I'm not a good drinker, but I told my friend that I needed a drink, and got myself dead drunk. My father had to come pick me up, how depressing can it get. I kept crying non-stop, kept thinking why did he have to treat me so badly and treat the girl so well, to bring her out on Xmas Day and bought her flowers. He had never brought me out on any special occasions.

The following days were a low period in my live. I was depressed and started thinking of all the bad things that happened to me. Every tiny details in my life was viewed with pessimism and transformed into failures, heartaches, abandonment, weakness etc. Once you start, you cant stop. Negativity, depression, melancholy all snowballed into one big attempt to just die. These evil thoughts kept clinging to me and feeding me lies to end life, to stop existing.

Until God intervened. In a terrible fierce voice, He questioned me about why I don't trust Him. He said HE WILL HEAL ME. It's because of Him that I picked myself up. My life is not my own from then on, although I didn't know this at that time.

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From that moment until today, I can say that God has been with me and is all the while healing me, closing my wounds and giving me the ability to forgive. When I saw my ex-boyfriend just now, I knew at that moment I had already forgiven him for what he had done. Looking at his expressions, I wanted to go up and tell him I have already forgiven him, why is he still hanging on to the guilt? I wanted to tell him that I'm now free from the chains of hatred. There is Power in forgiveness and it is this Power that breaks the chains. Forgive others and forgive yourself, just as Christ has forgiven us.

Nothing is possible without Him, to Him be all the praise and all the glory. Amen.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Happy Birthday

Today Johnny Depp is 43, Happy Birthday Captain Jack!